Funny Writing and More

Young people today have put several new verbs into modern English.  For example, ‘to google’, ‘to disrespect’, and ‘to text’ - all very useful, I must say.  However, they seem to have missed one crucial verb - to pullupthepants.

Is it wrong that I don’t know how to cook a turkey?  Growing up, I only saw it done once a year, on Thanksgiving, and that annual family ritual didn’t provide the best of training. My father, who for 364 days of the year never entered the kitchen unless ordered to do so at gunpoint, would completely take over this domestic domain for Thanksgiving.  His mission:  to stuff the turkey. 

Now mind you, my mother still had to do everything else for Thanksgiving dinner, but she wasn’t allowed in the kitchen to do any of it until the turkey was stuffed.  And woe to the child who hadn’t eaten breakfast before Dad commandeered the kitchen, because we were no longer permitted to enter.  One year he actually cordoned off the area with ropes.  So we got pretty hungry on Thanksgiving Day.  This was good planning on his part though, because by the time dinner was served, we would eat almost anything, even his stuffing

The making of the stuffing was quite the production.  My dad would wear an apron, which was an endless source of amusement for us kids.  It wasn’t one of those unisex barbecue aprons; it was always one of mom’s, complete with flower-embroidered pockets.  It looked particularly ridiculous on a bespectacled bald guy wearing a starched shirt and pressed pants.

We didn’t hang around to be amused for long, though…. Continue reading →