It used to be that I could tell people my
VCR was flashing “12:00” and they would immediately understand me to say, “I’m
a technologically impaired, lower-functioning member of the species. Please have mercy on my oh-so-twentieth-century
soul.”
I’m still that person, but I wasn’t sure
about how to convey that nowadays, since most DVR box thingies don’t even show
the time. If they did, I’m sure mine
would still be flashing “12:00”. But for
lack of anything better, I used that same old line about the VCR flashing
“12:00” and realized that now it has even more impact, as my acquaintance
gasped, “My God, you still have a VCR?”
I went to the United States Post Office to mail a package,
which I know is so last century, but I’m quaint that way. As the package was
being weighed, the postal worker asked me if I wanted to buy insurance for the
package – against damage, loss, or rifling.
What?
Damage, I can understand; accidents happen. Loss? Ok, I see
where could happen too. But rifling? That’s never an accident. That means
someone is willfully and maliciously going through your package and taking whatever
they want.
So, let me get this straight. I am handing my package over to the
USPS. The postal service employees are now
responsible for my package. I can understand offering insurance against an
employee accidentally losing or damaging the package while it is in their
custody.But asking me to buy insurance against rifling is like asking me to pay
protection money for my package.
I didn’t pay it. Now I’m waiting to hear if the package
arrives safely, or if I’m going to be taught a lesson about buying that insurance.
