The Fourth and Final Entry in the “Hope Springs Eternal (or maybe I’m just a sucker)” Series

A test of my resolve to be cold and impervious to all salespeople and mail offers soon arrived in an impressive-looking envelope bearing the seal of the “Major Money and Award Reporting Office,” a division of the “Important Matters Ofc.”  The envelope had even been “sealed at time of enclosing contents”.  Clearly, this was official, and I had now won something big.  I chided myself for being so judgmental, and resolved to have more faith in people.  I even wondered if I could still use those vouchers. 

Inside this fancy envelope wasn’t just a letter, but a “Direct Contact Letter” about me winning the $2,100,00 prize.  Yippee!  As I read my Direct Contact Letter, however, I realized that nowhere did it say I had actually won the money.  It was full of statements that implied my winning, but all it really said was that I would now be “On Record as ‘Receiver’ of Prize Identification data now Confirmed.”   

I was feeling mighty peeved and deceived about the whole thing, until I noticed the capital C in “Confirmed”.  Then, when I read that this wasn’t just any old letter, but a “Real and Actual Notice,” I felt much better.  I mean, if they’re using capital letters AND underlining words, then it must be for real, right?  That’s when I noticed the letterhead. 

At the top of my “Real and Actual Notice”, was the following address:  “direct contact - main building.  headquarters building in some city, some state.”    Really.  I am not making this up. 

Maybe it was that address that made me decide NOT to send my $14.98 proceduring fee, or maybe it was the fact that they called it a “proceduring” fee.  Either way, I wasn’t falling for that old trick; I know better than to send money to try and win money.  At least not to a company located in “some city” of “some state” that makes up words and misuses capital letters.  Maybe if they had an actual address.  Or used proper English….. 

Ah, hope springs eternal.  Or maybe I’m an idiot.  I’m going with the hope thing, but maybe that’s just me….. being a sucker.