Anne Louise

Susan asked this: That is sad about your Van. What kind of vehicle will you guys get?

anne louise — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 23:31:59 +0000

What we need is an Oxymoron. That would be a big, powerful car that’s environmentally responsible. And as far as we can tell, a true Oxymoron doesn’t exist. Maybe the Chevy Tahoe……………….Hybrid. Its mpg is not as good as one might think, given that it’s a hybrid, but it’s better than similar vehicles.

Driving Instruction

anne louise — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 19:52:02 +0000

Teaching my daughter to drive may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done as a parent, and that includes the 33 hours of labor followed by the C-section with which she entered the world. And I have to confess that I don’t think it’s her. It’s me. If I were teaching me to drive, I would stop the car, get out, walk around to the passenger side, remove me from the car, and beat me to a bloody pulp. I am SO annoying. So annoying that I give hitherto unfathomed depth and meaning to the word. I know it, and yet I can’t help myself.

She handles it pretty well, considering.

I won’t even bother to write much about how my right leg has a permanent cramp from shoving my foot to the floor on the imaginary brake; I understand that’s a common phenomenon for parents. And I suppose many parents have caught themselves involuntarily crying out, “Brake!”

I don’t do that. I yell, “Brake! Brake! BRAAAAAKE - for the love of God and all that’s holy!” At every intersection.

The other night as she overcorrected on a turn, and overcorrected, and overcorrected again, I lost my head. I am ashamed to say that I actually screamed out, “Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing?!!!!” I was so rattled that when we got home, and someone dropped something, I yelled it out again - “Jesus Christ!”

Her brother, a complete smart mouth, said, “Oh, is Jesus Christ here?”

My daughter replied, “Yeah. He was in the car, too.”

So she still has a sense of humor. She’s holding up way better than I am. I have a crick in my back because I spend every trip leaning over to the left, away from the door on my side, because in my opinion, she is far too close to the parked cars. In theory, I know that expecting her to keep at least 6 feet away from them is unreasonable. In practice, it’s the only way I can handle it. I have developed a nervous twitch that starts whenever she’s in the vicinity of the car keys. I have no fingernails left on my left hand; I’ve chewed them all off. On my right hand, they still look pretty good, because I’m so busy hanging on to the door handle for dear life that I can’t get at them.

On the plus side, my relationship with God is much stronger lately, in spite of the little “J C” incident, because I spend so much more time in prayer - every driving lesson.

Misreading the signs

anne louise — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 19:10:26 +0000

There are signs that our van is getting old. Really old. The paint is peeling off the outside. The upholstery is peeling off the inside. In a crate next to the driver’s seat, I carry essential supplies - motor oil, water for the radiator, and my cassette tapes from college. Ok, so the cassette tapes aren’t essential, but I think it’s significant that the van is the only place where I can listen to them anymore. When the little electronic key fob thingy disintegrated, I said to my husband, “Ok, I have read the signs, and the signs say it’s time for a new car.” He thought about it for a minute, and then said, “Nope, it’s time for a new key fob.”

Postscript: Shortly after I wrote this, the van’s radiator exploded. Now that’s a sign!

just too much thinking required

anne louise — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 21:38:45 +0000

You know it’s been a long day when the question “Will that be credit or debit?” is too difficult to answer.

As if solitaire weren’t enough……

anne louise — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:33:54 +0000

My computer has so many wonderful features. It’s not just solitaire and email; now I have even more with this great sidebar that shows me the weather, the latest news headlines, and a slideshow of all the family photos on our computer.

I love the weather updates, especially the feature that shows me the week’s forecast.

I am much better informed now about all the latest important developments in the world, like Tiger Woods’ rehab, Brangelina’s non-breakup, and the latest “used to be a celebrity” or relative thereof who has had a run in with the law. With a twitch of the mouse, I can read the whole story and be “in the know.”

I am entranced by the slideshow of family photos. I can just sit and watch for hours - I often do - reliving those moments when the children were smaller, and so was I.

All this is very entertaining, and seems almost necessary. However, as I am not the queen, nor even the court jester of self-discipline, it’s easy to see why I’m not getting any work done!

Could it be the tooth?

anne louise — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:39:32 +0000

I think government agencies interested in lowering the reproductive rate may be secretly involved in the bath decor industry. Think about it. Why is it toothbrush holders are made with space for 4, and only 4, toothbrushes? That’s enough for you, your spouse/significant other, and two children. What about larger families? Does the bath decor business have no concern for us? Are we not a viable marketing target? Do they just assume that with more than 2 kids, we don’t care if we have coordinated bath accessories?

My theory: it could be part of a plan to induce population control.

A question

anne louise — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:30:23 +0000

If procrastination pays off now, then what am I waiting for?

a test question - what is the answer?

anne louise — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:56:20 +0000

The answer is B. The answer is always B, because A would give it away too soon, and C is too obvious. Unless of course, the answer is 43, which it sometimes is.

Be the first to ask Anne Louise a question

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:56:53 +0000

Click here to submit a question.

Like mother, like daughter

anne louise — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:16:58 +0000

My darling daughter has some mannerisms that are, well, annoying. These mannerisms had to come from somewhere, but I couldn’t figure out where until I finally realized that my mother does those same things. I remarked to my husband that it was amazing to me how the child could pick things up from a grandmother who lives 2,000 miles away and visits once a year. He just looked at me, raised his eyebrows, and said nothing. About ten minutes later it dawned on me that there’s a link between my mother and my daughter.